So, WoW, right?

World of Warcraft is a game I play... I don't know if "often" is the right term. Team Fortress is a game I play "often". World of Warcraft is a game I play relentlessly.

My main character, a level 80 paladin with fantastic hair, plays a role that often needs filled. He's a tank. He gets hit so that you don't have to. Recently, the powers that be (Blizzard) have introduced a "dual-spec" feature, that got most players drooling over it. Now, paladins can be both tanks and healers without having to pay about 100 gold per switch! Warriors can be tanks or damage dealers! Rogues can be... damage dealers or more different damage dealers! Personally, my second speciality is damage dealing, primarily for player versus player combat.

Now, another thing that World of Warcraft has gained recently (ok, not as recently, but whatever) is achievements. One of which requires you to get four weapon skills to level 400. This is achieved by, y'know, hitting people an awful lot with said weapons. Paladins have a fairly limited choice of weapons. We have axes, maces and swords, in their one and two handed varieties. Oh, and unarmed (which has a whole achievement dedicated to raising it to 400). Since my tank spec usually uses a one-handed sword, I've had that skill at 400 for some time. But now with my damage spec, I felt the need to level two-handed swords and axes. And, again, the punching. A quick visit to WoWhead revealed that the best enemy to level these skills on were a certain... giant man. And by man I mean ogre. Spirit. They can be damaged, but never killed, and they cannot damage you. They are also right at the end of a lengthy "old world" (by that, meaning pre-either of the wonderful expansions the game now has) dungeon. I was also warned that the mere act of being in combat causes the equipment your character is wearing to slowly decay.

So! I stood at the entrance to Dire Maul, disrobing quickly, and readying my speed potions and water walking potions (since the quickest way to the man I sought (and by man I mean again, ogre. Spirit.) was over water, and swimming is painfully slow) ready to set off through the ancient elven ruins that once were the pinnacle for the end-game of World Of Warcraft. I chose to move quickly, for while the creatures in the dungeon would cause me little trouble or attention, I had over 200 points to gain in two-handed axes, and I imagined this would take quite some time. After a little bit of dodging, sprinting and only two actual kills, I stood before my goal, and pressed the attack button.

One and a half Star Wars movies later, I had finished axes. Burying my face in my hands, I equipped my two-handed sword, and begun swinging again. I had a lot less distance to cover with this weapon, but nonetheless, the process was arduous. Darth Vader had just revealed his relation to Luke when it came time for me to begin punching this giant ghost. My girlfriend looked over from her computer and asked, with incredulity, "Are you still in Dire Maul? How much longer will you be? We need a tank for Utgarde." my reply was one of... limited enthusiasm. A gurgle would be the best way of putting it. The scene on my monitor was... unique. An elf in his underwear, punching a gargantuan apparition. Seemingly forever.

Don't get me wrong, World of Warcraft is a wonderful game. Full of variety and depth, and some of the high level boss encounters are incredibly memorable, including my favourite the titanic Thaddius. The encounter starts with your group of 10 or 25 players having slain such monstrosities as Patchwerk, the multi-limbed abomination stitched together from the corpses of the enemies of the Lich King, Grobbulus, at least twice as tall as a man, who would infect group members with a virulent plague damaging all allies near them, and Gluth, the experimental beast that feeds on the ever growing tide of zombies being pumped into its chamber to heal itself. Once all have been slain, the gates of Thaddius' chamber grind open revealing where those screams you had been hearing came from. Two undead apothecaries stand on raised platforms, powering the machinery that is bringing this titan to life. Split into two groups, you charge the doctors, requiring you to take them down simultaneously, before you can assault Thaddius himself. You being fighting as normal, all grouping in front of the monstrosity and hitting it with everything you have. Then, the colossus ripples with electricity and everyone is either positively or negatively charged. Immediately, the group scrambles into action, separating themselves and negating the worst effects of the polarity shift (namely, mass death.) Moments later, this happens again. Some changing polarity, some remaining as they were. All the while Thaddius itself is screaming "You are too late... I... must... OBEY!" "BREAK YOU!" and when it finally dies, "Thank... you...". The screams you had been hearing until now stop. Afterwards you learn how the creature was created. The bodies of women, children, innocents had been bound together into that titanic prison. One more in a lengthening chain of atrocities the Lich King, once a paladin, a prince of men, and universally loved, had committed. The gates of Icecrown Citadel are promised to open in the coming months, and retribution will be had then. For now, his second in command, the archlich Kel'thuzad will have to suffice.

The game lends itself well to posts like this. And as dark and epic as it sounds, it's not without humour. Whether it's watching a new player attempt to beg for gold by dancing on a mailbox, or every October when "Brewfest" comes to Durotar and hearing the manic shrieking of Goblins commenting on the ales brought from around the world ("I could fuel my car with this!" "I can't feel my legs! Ahaha!") there are a multitude of moments that cause real mirth.

Also, Luke Skywalker was getting electrocuted to death by the time I finally got unarmed to 400. It seemed oddly fitting, come to think of it.